Funny stuff « JoNova

There is still one conservative comedian on Youtube

In surprising news, KvonComedy hasn’t been banned yet.

Don’t underestimate how useful it is for you to just join in — Subscribe, comment, share, and speak your mind. Support those who are swimming against the tide.

If people can find his program on other forums I’ll add those links. Anything But Google.

h/t Jim Simpson

9.7 out of 10 based on 89 ratings

The Bee: Health Officials Quarantine Portland To Prevent Spread Of Communism

Australians send our best wishes to friends affected by the outbreak of Collectivist-20 Fever.

Breaking: Health Officials Quarantine Portland To Prevent Spread Of Communism

PORTLAND, OR—The CDC has announced a full quarantine of Portland to prevent the spread of a dangerous virus known as communism.

Signs of an epidemic in Portland Oregon.

Although there is no known cure for communism, there are preventative measures that experts recommend, such as reading history books.

There is not enough satire in the world.

9.5 out of 10 based on 68 ratings

Republican Rioters didn’t even get big screen TV’s

Republican Rioters have a lot to learn from Democrat counterparts:

Rioters on Congress

The rioters were condemned by people on both sides of the aisle, with critics slamming them for disrupting congressional proceedings, breaking through police barricades, and not even stealing a single Lego set, cheesecake, or Nike shoe in the name of justice. No footage emerged of the Capitol occupiers lighting cop cars on fire or throwing bricks through restaurant windows, causing the protesters to lose support from people of all political persuasions.

“One thing is clear,” said one political analyst. “These people obviously don’t know the sweet, sweet justice of lugging a 60-inch TV back to your apartment to show how much you care about your cause.”

@CKeirns

I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but how does a bloke in a Chewbacca bikini outwit the nation’s finest and storm the Capitol? By Lisa McKenzie.

In a country that spends about 900 billion dollars a year on security and defence, …how is it possible that a couple of thousand of badly dressed and quite frankly weird folks break into the USA’s centre of power?

9.3 out […]

Democrats: vote for us, we’ll wear you down, dox, and bully you but know we care…

Finally, an honest Democrats advert (made by someone other than the Democrats)

Too good not to share: …. If they didn’t have double standards they’d have no standards at all.

This is the great work of Allie Beth Stuckey — her channel.

9.2 out of 10 based on 86 ratings

Media Criticizes Trump For Downplaying Virus Threat By Not Dying

Close to the bone:

The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C—President Donald Trump is once again under fire from the media for recklessly downplaying the danger of COVID by refusing to die. As the president begins to show signs of recovery, many worry that this sends the wrong message about the seriousness of the global pandemic.

“His defiance is going to get people killed. Dying like he’s supposed to would be the most patriotic thing he could do,” complained CNN correspondent Adam Pelot. “If he lives, how will the people be able to trust science?”

Tagged: satire and parody

The disappointment this week in news rooms was palpable.

In other news, Biden may be far ahead in the polls, but Gallup Polling shows 56% think Trump will win, and only 40% think Biden will win.

According to David Catron, this is a more useful indicator than asking people “who they’ll vote for”:

July 17th 2020: The American Spectator

Lately, pollsters and pundits have been nervously pondering the following question: “If Trump is behind in the polls, why do most voters say, in the same surveys, that he will win the […]

Remy discovers the hysterical, shrieking crowds are here for the entitlements.

Some great talent in time for the weekend.

Remy does The Beatles.

…

The money tap was already running before the visit from a virus. Someone’s going to have to break the bad news…

Written and Performed by Remy | Produced and Edited by Austin Bragg Music tracks and mastering by Ben Karlstrom

h/t Alexandra

9.2 out of 10 based on 42 ratings

You think I’m the devils child and you branded me a climate change denier…

Let me be the one to introduce DanPrawn to the world.

Man this is going to go viral. 17 views and it’s headed for thousands…

Great new talent!

“I thank my lucky stars that I became a climate change denier”

Thank you Dan!

UPDATE: A few days later as it’s gone to 13k views. See the youtube link.

9.2 out of 10 based on 145 ratings

Cricketers to freeze: Boxing Day Tests in Melbourne cooling since WWII

Peacetime maximums on Boxing Day are just not what they used to be

The ABC is afraid that Boxing day cricket may “go extinct” due to the heat. Chris Gillham at WAClimate.net graphed the December 26 test temperatures in Melbourne all the way back to 1855. Obviously, using ABC-ScienceTM (absurdio-extrapolatory et al) what we are really looking at is ominous cooling. To help the ABC, let’s adjust headlines accordingly.

“Injuries are forecast to rise as maximum temperatures fall in Melbourne on Boxing Day.”

The trend is clear in a supercomputer somewhere. If this decline continues the second polynomial will hit zero in 440 years. Cricketers won’t know what heat is.

The graphs here confirm the newspaper stories of a history of phenomenal Boxing day heat — especially in the late 1800s and circa World War II. Ergo, wars cause global warming (in Melbourne, on Dec 26).

…This is bound to change…

Two things to keep in mind, apart from designing a team beanie, is that many of the temperatures in the 1800s weren’t from Stevenson screens and so are debatable. On the other hand, the urban heat island effect is strong and site maintenance is weak, so […]

1970s Spock documentary — Climate scientists believe the next ice age may have already started

Watch Spock in the 1970s describing how climate scientists were predicting a mile high wall of ice that could cover Canada down to Boston “in your lifetime”, and it may already have started. Commenter Bulldust found Gary Orsum’s droll commentary on that documentary. Great stuff.

Best part begins from 5:45 mins on:

In 1977 the worst winter in a century struck the United States… one desperate night in Buffalo, eight people froze to death…

the brutal Buffalo winter might become common all over the United States. Climate experts believe the next ice age is on its way.

Temperatures have been dropping for thirty years…

With 40 years headstart on climate scares, Orsum has all the answers.

Leonard Nimoy: Arctic cold and perpetual snow could turn most of the inhabitable portions of our planet into an Arctic wasteland.

Sure says Orsum, but there are ways to allieviate that threat even with your primitive caveman technology, just get the kids to take Fridays off school.

The opening five minutes explaining how he’s not a denier though he keeps being called one. Readers here have lived that landscape already. Just say “lukewarmer” and […]

ABC discovers data (on facebook) showing wet rainforest has not burned once, ever, or at all, in “tens of millions” of years

This is striking new finding by ABC journalist Ann Arnold that for some reason has not yet been published in a science journal.

Some mystery remains, however as to which dataset could rule out any and all fires in the last 30,000,000 years, or indeed which dataset could prove that those forests and trees have existed in the same place continuously. We keenly await more details on the high resolution sedimentary pollen and missing ash deposit that could show that there were never fires, not one, especially during the Miocene when Antarctica thawed around 24 million years ago and stayed hot for ten million continuous years.

It’s all the more remarkable given that temperatures have varied in the Antarctic by 15 degrees Celcius over the same period, and for 20 million years out of the last 30, it was even hotter than today.

Scientists keenly look forward to seeing those error bars, though one critic, Dr Hyperbowlie suggested the p-values “might be greater than 1. ”

Global Temperature estimates over the last 65 million years.

Bushfires devastate rare and enchanting wildlife as ‘permanently wet’ forests burn for first time

Ann Arnold, ABC, Saturday Extra

These forests have […]

Cut carbon emissions by drinking eco-vodka

Eight full grown trees of carbon in every bottle of Eco-vodka

No seriously, yesterday Air Co launched a type of vodka made from air instead of potatoes. One bottle allegedly soaks up “as much CO2 as eight fully grown trees.”

At $65 a bottle, this will be a must have for fashionable snowflakes who have too much money and not enough taste buds.

This solves the hole in the market for all the people wanting low carbon Bloody Mary’s.

The vodka, which costs $65 for a 750 ml bottle, is made from only two ingredients, carbon dioxide (a greenhouse gas) and water. That’s unlike traditional vodka, which is typically made by fermenting grains such as corn, potato and wheat. Producing a typical bottle of vodka could create around 13 pounds of greenhouse gases, according to Fast Company, while Air Co.’s product is carbon negative, removing a pound of carbon from the air with every bottle produced.

More efficiently than plants?!

The process uses the same principles as photosynthesis in plants but does so more efficiently,” Constantine tells CNBC Make It.

Air Co.’s technology splits water into hydrogen and oxygen, then combines the hydrogen […]

Skeptics get 49% more media, and other fairy fantasy stories from Nature Gossip Mag

Skeptics get banned, rejected, blocked and sacked from the mainstream media yet somehow Nature has a paper on Skeptics getting too much media. Believers don’t have to be an expert to control the news agenda, just a Greenpeace activist, or a teenage girl. Skeptics on the other hand, can be Nobel Prize winners, but the BBC won’t even phone them.

Nature, the former science giant, just launched the tenets of science over the event horizon. This paper is Argument from Authority rolled into false equivalence, and powered with cherry-picked errors in both category and in categorization. Nonsense on a rocket. It’s not what science is, and it’s not what journalism should be either. And Nature is supposed to be both. Judith Curry calls it The latest travesty in ‘consensus enforcement’ and the worst paper she has ever seen in a reputable journal.

….

Both David Evans and I get a mention on what is effectively Nature‘s blacklist. What an honour! No really — there are 386 great names. Even more of an honour is a mention on Judith Curry’s site “blogs she’s learnt something from”. (By some freak, my name comes right after Freeman Dyson and Ivar […]

Time Mag — Buttering up Believers: Why deniers brains can’t process climate change

It’s self congratulation disguised as “science”. The insults are passed off as universal human failings but the unmistakable message is that those who do believe in “climate change” are exempt. (Only the unbelievers have smaller minds and more selfish cortexes. )

Time Magazine: Why Your Brain Can’t Process Climate Change

You’d have to be pretty stupid not to get this message:

…We know—at least those of us not in the grips of outright climate denial—how bad it is. But we can’t seem to act to save the future.

The Time readers who haven’t cancelled their subscriptions already may like to read this and give themselves a free shot of mojo, knowing that they can process climate change. Possibly they buy Time because it tells them they’re the gifted, superior beings they hope they might be. This is manna for those with low self esteem and meaningless lives.

This is not just some random author either, Bryan Walsh, who wrote this, was TIME’s International Editor, its energy and environmental correspondent and was the Tokyo bureau chief in 2006 and 2007.

As usual, it’s projection all the way down:

There are many reasons why [we fail to […]

End of Civilization coming: 31 years til lethal hothouse ” beyond the threshold of human survivability”

Biblical doom coming says prophesy

Limbourg Bros, Folio 108: Hell. circa 1416.

A new report by a “Breakthrough” think tank has arrived to leave no stone, or cliche, unturned in scaring the kiddies. Whole thesauruses have been ransacked: the threat is existential, lethal, and not survivable. The End Days include choas, collapsing ecosystems, with devastating wildfires. “Nuclear War is possible”. (Yes, just like it was in 1962 when CO2 was 317 perfect ppm.). Will zero emissions bring World Peace? Why not. It can solve everything else.

The Breakthrough National Centre for Climate Restoration is run by two men from Melbourne who apparently long for the little ice age. To get back there they take the climate models that don’t work and amplify their worst guesses into an apocalypse. They pluck the most ominous quotes they can find to create a sense that the IPCC are just another bunch of bureaucrats hiding the awful truth. As if Big-government is on the side of skeptics.

It’s not about observational evidence so much as quote-mining. If a professor once said something ominous, suggestive of oppression or of censorship, that’s grist for the carbon-mill. Naturally, they focus on Arctic Sea Ice since it’s […]

Queensland govt pays $320k to Al Gore to train people in climate witchcraft and gets Snow too!

Al Gore is here in Australia to train 1,0o0 useful idiots on Unscience, neolithic reasoning and witchcraft. The man with no climate science expertise, and a huge vested interest is being paid by taxpayers to train people to chant “consensus” and pretend that wind and solar can stop storms and hold back the tide. These obedient fools help to destroy any conversation about science by reciting anti-science bumperstickers like “the science is settled”, “gravity is real” and “tobacco, tobacco, tobacco”. Because, hey, the tobacco industry funded merchants of doubt, and they were wrong, so therefore Ergo Prompter Upchuck, all government scientists are right on Everything, All Of The Time, and you are an idiot denier.

Repeat after me: There were no storms in 1703. Droughts didn’t exist. It wasnt hotter, colder, deadlier and more extreme for most of human history and 20 times as many people didn’t die of cold.

Global Bullies Unite and ask Anna Palaszczuk for money. Suffer the Queensland taxpayer. The Labor Party in Queensland should pay this money back, it’s an advertising expense.

Fittingly, The Gore effect strikes again. Snow fell in Queensland. (The last time it fell was 2015.)

Alan Jones asks why the Queensland […]

Octopuses will go blind thanks to climate change

Octopuses survived the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs, but look set to go blind thanks to coal fired power and your car.

Octopuses may go blind from climate change, study warns

…

Plastic pollution and climate change may be significantly altering the level of oxygen on our planet. Now, a new study dives into the impact it could have on marine life, including squids, crabs and octopuses – blindness.

The study, published in the Journal of Experimental Biology, highlights how important oxygen is to sight and retinal activity for certain marine larvae. Tiny declines in oxygen levels result in significant vision impairment, including almost total blindness in certain species.

“Using in vivo electroretinogram recordings, we show that there is a decrease in retinal sensitivity to light in marine invertebrates when exposed to reduced oxygen availability,” the study’s abstract reads. “We found a 60-100 [percent] reduction in retinal responses in the larvae of cephalopods and crustaceans…

Or more specifically: Octopuses will go blind if they are suddenly dumped in tanks with reduced oxygen…

To test the theory, the animals were put in reduced oxygen environments for approximately 30 minutes.

Time to […]

Evil whites caused the Little Ice Age by bringing small-pox to America

Is it April 1st in London?

The BBC is reporting that academics from University College London have discovered that the Little Ice Age was not caused by the record low solar activity of the Maunder Minima, instead it was due to the colonization of the Americas. Thanks mostly to measles and small pox the death toll was so enormous that about 9% of the global population died, supposedly leaving empty farmlands. These were swiftly covered in forests causing a deadly fall in CO2 which cooled the world.

This is an Apocryphal story that virtue signals in so many ways. A kind of triple-point scrabble maneuver combining climate, race, war, forests and imperial colonization in the one story.

The Great Dying of the Indigenous Peoples of the Americas caused the Little Ice Age

Colonisation of the Americas at the end of the 15th Century killed so many people, it disturbed Earth’s climate.

That’s the conclusion of scientists from University College London, UK.

The team says the disruption that followed European settlement led to a huge swathe of abandoned agricultural land being reclaimed by fast-growing trees and other vegetation.

This pulled down enough carbon […]

Christmas Carols for coal

Oh yes, sure. These are really going to catch on. The grippy totalitarian, gimme dat culture strikes again with hot lyrics like “We Wish You a Steady Climate”, “We all Yearn for Solar Panels”, and “Away in The Arctic”. They sound for all the world like they were written by a climate model. If we can’t outdo this, making them funnier and more in the spirit of Christmas, I’ll eat my keyboard.

Please do your best, the official PDF is here. (Carols against Coal backed up here.)

We wish you a Steady Climate

Tune: Trad English (We with you a merry Christmas) Lyrics: Petrina Barson

We wish you a steady climate, we wish you a steady climate, we wish you a steady climate and a happy new year.

Glad tidings we bring to you and your kin. We wish you a steady climate and a happy new year.

We just want ambitious targets, we just want ambitious targets, we just want ambitious targets so bring some out here. Glad …

We won’t go until we get some, we won’t go until […]

Climate change causes time travel? Humans turning clock back 50 million years

The Pliocene is coming to get you.

The shocking news is that the world cooled for 50 million years, then, just like that, two hundred years ago, humans stopped the cooling, and turned the global clock, or thermometer, whateveryoucallit, around. Now, unleash the disaster — by 2030 Earth is going to resemble the mid-Pliocene. So in just 11 years time, it will be like 3 million years ago. Apparently we are losing 250,000 years every year. Buy a solar panel now!

You think I’m joking:

Humans may be reversing the climate clock, by 50 million years

Our future on Earth may also be our past.

In a study published Monday (Dec. 10, 2018) in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers show that humans are reversing a long-term cooling trend tracing back at least 50 million years. And it’s taken just two centuries.

By 2030, Earth’s climate is expected to resemble that of the mid-Pliocene, going back more than 3 million years in geologic time.

How bad was the Pliocene?

In the Pliocene, North and South America joined tectonically, the climate was arid, land bridges allowed animals to spread across […]

Scientist seals himself in plastic tent for 3 days for “climate change” — aborts in 15 hours, foiled by clouds

A 28 year old guy in British Columbia thought it had some message about climate change if he sealed himself in a primitive biodome with 200 plants. But the sun didn’t shine, the plants didn’t photosynthesize enough, and he “felt sluggish”. CO2 levels were a bit high so he had to abandon the experiment just 15 hours later — calling it “a huge success”. As you would, if you had no connection to actual hardship, or actual success.

The BBC thought this badly planned, unscientific stunt failure was newsworthy and lauded him his 15 seconds of fame and advertising for the cause. Proving that any kind of measurable achievement is irrelevant. If it promotes the religion, anything will do.

I challenge anyone to find a lamer stunt in the history of climate panic

…

Kurtis Baute: Scientist leaves airtight dome after 15 hours

A self-styled “whimsical scientist” who locked himself in an airtight dome with 200 plants to raise awareness of climate change has ended his experiment.

He thanked fans and described the experience as a “huge success”.

While still inside the dome, he explained his mission in a Twitter thread, writing: “#ClimateChange […]

JoNova

Recent Posts

There is still one conservative comedian on Youtube

The Bee: Health Officials Quarantine Portland To Prevent Spread Of Communism

Republican Rioters didn’t even get big screen TV’s

Democrats: vote for us, we’ll wear you down, dox, and bully you but know we care…

Media Criticizes Trump For Downplaying Virus Threat By Not Dying

Remy discovers the hysterical, shrieking crowds are here for the entitlements.

You think I’m the devils child and you branded me a climate change denier…

Cricketers to freeze: Boxing Day Tests in Melbourne cooling since WWII

1970s Spock documentary — Climate scientists believe the next ice age may have already started

ABC discovers data (on facebook) showing wet rainforest has not burned once, ever, or at all, in “tens of millions” of years

Cut carbon emissions by drinking eco-vodka

Skeptics get 49% more media, and other fairy fantasy stories from Nature Gossip Mag

Time Mag — Buttering up Believers: Why deniers brains can’t process climate change

End of Civilization coming: 31 years til lethal hothouse ” beyond the threshold of human survivability”

Queensland govt pays $320k to Al Gore to train people in climate witchcraft and gets Snow too!

Octopuses will go blind thanks to climate change

Evil whites caused the Little Ice Age by bringing small-pox to America

Christmas Carols for coal

Climate change causes time travel? Humans turning clock back 50 million years

Scientist seals himself in plastic tent for 3 days for “climate change” — aborts in 15 hours, foiled by clouds

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